Funny Taser story

My mom had this e-mail to her and I decided that I should put it up here. I believe this is a true story and if not something to this effect must of happened some where. A story of a man that buys a present for his wife that almost kills him when he test it out to make sure it works. Check this out I think it is really funny and just so you know You shouldn't try this at home.

My First Taser Experience (make that ONLY)... MY words... LOL...

My wife is fond of saying that my last words on this earth will be something akin to "Well, I have out-done myself once again." No doubt you will see this true story chronicled in a Lifetime movie in the near future. Here goes...

Last weekend I spied something at the pawnshop that tickled my fancy. (Note: Keep in mind that my "fancy" is easily tickled). I bought something really cool for my wife. The occasion was our 18th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my sweet girl.
What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Taser gun with a clip. For those of you who are not familiar with this product, it is a less-than-lethal stun gun with two metal prongs designed to incapacitate an assailant with a shock of high-voltage, low amperage electricity while you flee to safety. The effects are supposed to be short lived with no long-term
adverse affect on your assailant, but allowing you adequate time to retreat to safety. You simply jab the prongs into your 250 lb. tattooed assailant, push the button, and it will render him a slobbering, goggle-eyed, muscle twitching, whimpering, pencil-neck geek. If you've never seen one of these things in action, then you're truly missing out--way too cool!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was so disappointed. Upon reading the directions (we don't need no stinkin' directions) I found much to my chagrin that this particular model would not create an arc between the prongs. How disappointing! I do love fire for effect. I learned that if I pushed the button, however, and pressed it against a metal surface that I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs that I was so looking forward to. I did so. Awesome! Sparks, a blue arc of electricity, and a loud pop! Yipeeeeee! I'm easily amused, just for your information, but I have yet to explain to her what that burn spot on the face of her microwave is.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, etc. etc. There I sat in my recliner, my dog looking on intently (trusting little soul), reading the directions (that would be me, not the dog) and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood target. I must admit I thought about zapping the dog for a fraction of a second and thought better of it. He is such a sweet pup, after all. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? Was I wrong to think that? It seemed reasonable to me at the time.
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, Taser in the other. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
All the while I'm looking at this little device (measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference, pretty cute really, and loaded with two itsy bitsy AAA batteries) thinking to myself, "No friggin' way!"
Friggin' way - trust me, but I'm getting ahead of myself. What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. Those of you who know me well have got a pretty good idea of what followed. I'm sitting there alone, the dog looking on with his head cocked to one side as to say, "Don't do it buddy," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny lil' ole thing
couldn't hurt all that bad (sound, rational thinking under the circumstances, wouldn't you agree?). I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the hell of it. (Note: You know, a bad decision is like hindsight-- always 20-20. It is so obvious that it was a bad decision after the fact, even though it seemed so right at the time. Don't ya just hate that?)
I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY*! DAaaaauuuuuuMN!!! I'm pretty sure that Jessie Ventura ran in through the front door, picked me up out of that recliner, and then body slammed me on the carpet over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, soaking wet, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position. The dog was standing over me making sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to himself, "Do it again, do it again!"
(NOTE: If you ever feel compelled to mug yourself with a Taser, one note of caution. There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You're not going to let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. Then, if you're lucky, you won't lodge one of the prongs 1/4" deep into your thigh like yours truly.)
SON-OF-A-* that hurt! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at this point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My glasses were on the TV across the room. How did they get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain,
and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. give or take an ounce or two, I'm pretty sure.
By the way, has anyone seen my testicles? I think they ran away. I'm offering a reward. They're round, kinda hairy, and handsome if I must say so myself. Miss 'em; sure would like to get 'em back.

Never Touchin' the Taser Again!

Like I said funny right I think so. Remember don't try this at home please.

Team Work

I first saw this a little while back in one of my classes at college and just now found a place where it is on line. This is team work and I know a bit sad but I am pretty sure this is a fake picture and it shows the down side of team work It seems. I found this one on a photo bucket post from myspace. I think it is kind of funny.
The url for this is at : http://i155.photobucket.com/albums/s308/maddyastor/Comments/TeamWork.jpg

Wow a long time.

Wow it has been a long time since my last post here. I have been quite busy lately with a new job so haven't had as much time. I hope it doesn't take over a month for my next post but here is this days link.
http://icanhascheezburger.com/ It as some know from the name this is also a funny pet book about cats. This sit is full of funny, quite and just down right odd cats. Here is just one picture from the home page:

Cats can be so funny and this site only go to further prove that. Check this pic and way many more at http://icanhascheezburger.com/

Only in texas.

Wow been a while but really I haven't found to much as of late that could be interandom material. Amazingly enough this joke I heard in church. Its about a Texas officer and a New York big shot lawyer. I don't know where it came from I found this post of it on some forms. I think it is really funny and you will under stand the meaning of slow down and stop by the end of it. The version I am using is copied from this site: http://www.survivalistboards.com/showthread.php?p=278529

Enjoy.

Only in
Texas my
friends... Only in Texas ..... Too bad......


A lawyer runs
a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he
is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New
York and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from
Houston , Texas . He decides to prove this to
himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy' s expense.

The deputy
says,' License and registration, please.'

'What for?' says the lawyer.


The deputy says, 'You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign.'


Then the lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.'


'You still didn't come to a complete stop, Says the deputy. License and
registration, please.'

The lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'


'The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law
License and registration, please!' the Deputy says.

Lawyer says,
'If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give
you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me
go and don't give me the ticket.'

'That sounds fair. Please exit
your vehicle, sir,' the deputy says.

At this point, the deputy takes out
his nightstick and starts beating the daylights out of the lawyer and says, 'Do
you want me to stop, or just slow down?'

Another Bored Site

Sorry haven't been posting lately been caught up in other things so haven't been surfing. So I was bored again and it will amaze you what comes up if you type in bored on Google. So this site came up and it is call I am Bored. Like Bored.com It has a list of sites but this ones if much larger and is updated some time hourly. Go check it out at www.i-am-bored.com/

Just to list a few sites of the home page is.

Kurt Russel Star Wars audition

Emo Baby vs Goth Baby

And much much more.

Obama Cartoon.

These cartoons are done by Nate Johnson. This one I chose from his site is pretty funny I think because in a way it happened not literally but pretty much. As I promised unlike CNN I treat all candidates the same So here is Obama.
















Yes there is blood in it and sorry that is what happens when you say things like if you shoot youself in the foot you will bleed. Pretty funny and there is more on Nate's page. This cartoon and following text can be found at: http://natenation.com/?p=36. And no I don't hate him just think this is funny because he really said that look it up sure you can find the text, or recording of him saying it.

More Comics

As we all know the election is getting closer and closer. That's right we have to decide who would be best for the beloved USA. Well while I am pretty sure I know who I am going to vote for it still nice to look at all the political comics that seem to get popular around this time. This first cartoon is from when McCain chose his running mate Palin. Its pretty funny and some will even get the Monty Python's Flying Circus reference. Check this one out. (for note reason I don't dislike McCain, and I think palin was a great choice, he wants to bring change and that will do it.)

The original site can be found here: http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2008/9/12&name=Fuzzy

To show I am not bias or what ever tomorrow I will try to post a Obama cartoon. I tired to day but all i could find fast was hateful one and I don't want to post that crap so enjoy this for now.

Not funny to day but I think needs to be seen.

Today I think something needs to be seen. I don't really think its funny. It is kind of random and unexpected from Metallica. But this is the new music video for Metallica's new single "The Day that never comes". This is a new song from the new album Death Magnetic. I didn't understand this song at first until I seen the video. It really all makes sense now. For all those that don't think we are doing any thing good in Iraq or Afghanistan check out this video. It shows how nice we have been to them even through all the crap we have taken. But they are right the day will never come if things continue like this in america. We have to beleive that we are doing something good. So please check this video out if nothing else it is a freaking awesome song that I deem awesome enough to Put on the Interandom Blog. ROCK ON METALLICA!!!!
Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mlahvvymkxc

Kite tubing disaster

This was shown to me at school by a friend. This comes from youtube again. where a fun day of human kite flying turns scary when the kite doesn't fly as right as they would like. The original post of this video can be found here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E1IPnnttL9k
Watch this is pretty funny.


OK you might think this is not funny but according to the post he only had minor bruise. For more videos of kite-tubing days that didn't go so well go to youtube and type in kite flying tube in the search bar.

Almost useless info.

To nights site comes from the makes of dumblaws.com this one is called dumbfacts.com. Yes thats right information you would almost never need to know except on some messed up game show. Here is just a few inserts taken from the Education tab:

Gene Simmons, of the shock-rock group Kiss, earned a B.A. in education and speaks four languages.

The New York Board of Education barred the whipping of children in its schools on March 4, 1908.

During the Stalin era, education in Russia was stressed. As a result, a majority of Russian women and men are very intelligent and hold degrees. In fact, Russia’s literacy rate is about 98 percent.

Some of these are funny and all of the are odd. So this falls in perfectly to my odd department for Interandom. Check out this odd site at dumbfacts.com you will thank me and them when you land on one of those game shows and you know the answer.

Proof that some lawmakers need to just quit.

Today's oddity of the web is dumblaws.com That is right a list or database if you will of laws from around the world and right here in the states of of all those laws that just don't seem to make sense or just seem really odd. The demo I will give you is just a small taste from my own home state of Texas. Keep in mind this not just for fun these are real laws that are still enforceable.

Texas:
One must acknowledge a supreme being before being able to hold public office.

When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone.

It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.

These are just a few of the texas laws and just a drop compared to all the dumb laws across the world. Check it out at:
www.dumblaws.com

Are you Bored?

Well then just hop over to bored.com Thats today's site. they have all sorts of things to take your mind of being bored. Thinks like weird quizzes, odd videos and games too. If you are just twiddling your thumbs wishing you had some money to do something with well they even have a make money tab and you can see odd ways to make money in your boring time. Check it out at.
www.bored.com

Opps Wii have a problem.

Oh how we all know about the wii and its dangers. I have now found a site that showcases a lot of accidents as if they were real case reports. It is called Wiihaveaproblem.com. It is truly amazing how energetic people get using the wii controller. TVs broke, wiimotes tossed out the window, and animals and humans a like mamed or hurt. Just a small sample of of this is this poor window that I found on the home page.
Many more pictures await you at http://wiihaveaproblem.com

Hitler cats OH NO

OK no I'm for for Nazi but this site really isn't either. They make fun of him by comparing him to cats. This site come from a part on the radio show called Hard Drive XL with Lou Brutus and the section "It came from the web." That's I said cats because this site is called Cats that look like Hitler. I don't know if this is really funny or disturbing but it definitely falls into my category of odd. These are cats that have marking on them that make them resemble the horrible dictator. Here is just a small sample they have many more pictures of cats but this one was on the home page.
This cat is owned by "Evelien and Rene" his name is Pop.
For, many many more pictures go to: http://www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com

Funny Badgers

This one is just a odd flash video. I think it is quite funny. Some might think it is just really stupid. Guess what you have no humor. Here is the site.
badgerbadgerbadger.com

I think this is a flash video mad by another site and if they other videos are as good as this one might be worth checking it out. Enjoy all.

Tase me Bro.

Yes most of us internet users have seen the don't tase me bro video, but I don't think a lot of us have seen this one unless you patrol discovery channel's video section. This is the Myth Busters Tory and one of the researchers. They apparently hate to drink coffee in the morning so this is how they deal with it. Pretty funny but then again myth busters always are. If you would like to share this like the You tube video post that I am using is here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_VGX0eL2Xo

First Post Ever GO battle McCain

OK lets start this off with something really funny. Now I am a McCain supporter. Oh don't blast me I am entitled to my own views. But really I about hit the floor when I seen this. This was so funny because I am also a fan of Pokemon. This you just have to watch it. I found this on a site called myYearbook.com its really like myspace just with little more fun. One person had this as his profile picture. Any way here we go FIRST POST ever on Interandom.

Like I said pretty funny huh. Demo or Republican that is funny. Any way be back soon with more funny or odd post. Till then welcome to Interandom.