The Betting Man Joke

There are a few different version of this joke and I have cleaned this one up to be a little bit more family oriented becasue that is what I like to be on this blog. This of a well off man named Mr. Morris and him being audited by the irs. This unedited version came from the website http://www.jewishmag.com/131mag/humor/humor.htm Enjoy!

The IRS decides to audit Morris, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Morris shows up with his attorney.
The auditor says, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'
'I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Morris. 'How about a demonstration?'
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'
Morris says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'
The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'
Morris removes his glass eye and bites it.
The auditor's jaw drops.
Morris says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'
Now the auditor can tell Morris isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Morris removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Morris's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
'Want to go double or nothing?' Morris asks. 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Morris stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just cancelled a major loss. But Morris's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands. 'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.
'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Morris told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and not only that but you'd be happy about it!'

Make your own Hitler video.

Hitler was one of the most feared and ruthless dictators in history. Why not make fun of him with this cool little creator. Many people have used this to make videos of a german moive scence where hitler starts to fall apart. Here is a demo of one that some one made when Hitler Finds out CHUCK NORRIS is comming.  You can make your own video by going here and filling in the script for the subtitles: http://downfall.jfedor.org/create/

Here is a video made by kevinrspBelieves on youtube:

Funny Local Joke from Brownwood Texas Helicopter Story!

Its getting close to a celerbration we have every year hear in brownwood and I thought I might share this joke we have had for a while about a ride at the Brownwood Reunion.

It goes:
Every year this hellicopter pilot would come to Brownwood to offer Rides to see Brownwood from the air for 50 bucks. One year this older couple came up and looked at the helicopter. The man said "I sure wish I could ride this". His wife instantly said "me too honey but it says 50 bucks. We are getting up there and we just don't have that to spend right now on a silly ride.  50 Bucks is 50 bucks!"

A Few years passed and again the young pilot came to Brownwood for the Reunion. He saw the same couple again and this time the Man said again "I sure wish I could ride this helicopter before I leave this world. " The wife again said, "we have to many medial bills right now 50 bucks is 50 bucks we just can't spend it right now." The man hung his head down as they walked off again.

The next year the pilot was back and the very aged couple came up and once gain the man wanted to ride it. He told his wife, "I'm not getting any younger I really want to ride this helicopter before I die." "I know honey" she said "but its still 50 bucks. We have to many bills and 50 bucks is 50 bucks."

The pilot got an idea. He called out to them and said "Hey! I will make you a deal!" The man said "what is that." "I'm doing pretty good this year and I will take both of ya'll up if you promise not to make a sound during the flight. I mean no screaming no cheering, or hollering." The man looked at his wife and she didn't look to thrilled about it but said "ok." The pilot said "but if I heard anything the flight will be 50 bucks." The man looked him in the eye and said "deal."

The pilot belted them in and started his flight. He gave it all he could, he banks right, then left, dropped down, the back up, he flew for almost 30mins trying to get this couple worked up but nothing. He landed and turned to tell them he was amazed that even his frail wife didn't scream.

"Looking back to his surpise she wasn't there. He asked the man where did she go?"

"Oh she fell out on that first hard turn you did my boy. "

"OH MY GOD! Why didn't you say anything?"

"50 bucks is 50 bucks" he said smiling.

Place Finger Here!

This is a cool animation that is so cool its interactive. Just follow the instructions and watch the video play out really fun to watch.

Thats the spot! Funny Cat Video

Found another one on facebook. this time its a cat that really like to be petted but has a funny way of showing it. fyi cat is fine he is just being scratched by his tail.

Dog Teased by Owner

This is another video I found trending on youtube thought it was just too funny. Just to be upfront this owner doesn't really tease his dog like this just makes for a good video. Like most dogs its probably spoiled but none the less enjoy.

Deer Crossing Why can't they be moved!!!!

I found this today and I am sorry this one was just too funny to pass up posting. To set this up a lady calls into a radio station and has a vent about Deer Crossing signs but its not what you expect listen and laugh. Enjoy!

Funny dog owner comic

Found this on facebook today and just had to share because sometimes I fell that my wife is this way. Enjoy!

Pepsi MAX & Jeff Gordon Present: "Test Drive 2"

I just had to post this one because I post the previous one. Apparently some one thought that the first one was fake so time to show how Jeff Gordon treats doubters. Get ready to laugh.

For the Doctor Who fans out there lol. Enjoy

I found this today on face book and just had to post it for all the doctor who fans out there. See darleks can be cute too.

Too cute wife joke

I love this one couldn't stop laughing lol this one comes from unijokes.com which takes a while to find when searching form marriage jokes on google but was well worth it.

H - "Hello?" W - "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
H - "Yes."
W - "Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"
H - "What's the price?"
W - "Only $1,500.00."
H - "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..."
W - "Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price...and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."
H-"What price did he quote you?"
W - "Only $60,000..."
H - "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
W - "Great! But before we hang up, something else..."
H - "What?"
W - "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and...I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property."
H - "How much are they asking?"
W - "Only $450,000 - a magnificent price...and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..."
H - "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?"
W - "OK, sweetie...Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"
H - "Bye...I love u too..." The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap, and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present: "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

Pepsi max Prank

Pepsi max hit big with the uncle drew prank so they decided to do this one at local used car dealer. There is some language but when you sit next to a pro like Jeff Gordon I might scream a little too.

Drive Thur Prank

I love this guys videos saw a few for the first time the other day and I just couldn't stop laughing at the response he got. Hope you enjoy and check out his other videos too. YouTube Name is MagicofRahat

Something for the car guy/girls

NOTE: Does include some language that some might not find suitable for younger viewers.

Having said that you really don't need to hear it to know what happened. some one trying to make a pass at his local drag strip has a souped up acura intregra. He has mastered the car so well that he makes the amazing shift from 2nd to 1st gear which slows the front tires down and more thank likely blows his transmission I would say. Once again this does have some language do you might want to mute this before you play it. Enjoy

clutchmaster+integra+shifting+from+2nd+to+1st+at+9

Video from Streetfire.net

Great Fun Kids Site

I know been a while and hey a new look hope every one likes.

Tonight I found a great kids site called Aha! jokes.com that has good clean jokes and other kid friendly content that kids and parents alike can enjoy together. Aha has many many things that kids can enjoy as well as kid friendly content. They have joke of course as well as photos, and even a video download's section. So kids with your parents permission check it out.

Aha! jokes.com

Bidens opps and what Obama did to stop it

This is not quite what happened but as most know VP Biden had a bit of an opps about what to say on the morning show last week. I saw a cartoon like this in the local paper and thought it was pretty funny because its about what he did. Gibbs tried to fix it but ended up just making it worse and Obama had to play damage control. Still thought it is funny how they went about it and thought I am sure its not to dangerous to fly on a plan this cartoon is still funny. I found this at about.com political humor page and they have a lot more where this came from so check them out if you like this kind of thing.

Funny Taser story

My mom had this e-mail to her and I decided that I should put it up here. I believe this is a true story and if not something to this effect must of happened some where. A story of a man that buys a present for his wife that almost kills him when he test it out to make sure it works. Check this out I think it is really funny and just so you know You shouldn't try this at home.

My First Taser Experience (make that ONLY)... MY words... LOL...

My wife is fond of saying that my last words on this earth will be something akin to "Well, I have out-done myself once again." No doubt you will see this true story chronicled in a Lifetime movie in the near future. Here goes...

Last weekend I spied something at the pawnshop that tickled my fancy. (Note: Keep in mind that my "fancy" is easily tickled). I bought something really cool for my wife. The occasion was our 18th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my sweet girl.
What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Taser gun with a clip. For those of you who are not familiar with this product, it is a less-than-lethal stun gun with two metal prongs designed to incapacitate an assailant with a shock of high-voltage, low amperage electricity while you flee to safety. The effects are supposed to be short lived with no long-term
adverse affect on your assailant, but allowing you adequate time to retreat to safety. You simply jab the prongs into your 250 lb. tattooed assailant, push the button, and it will render him a slobbering, goggle-eyed, muscle twitching, whimpering, pencil-neck geek. If you've never seen one of these things in action, then you're truly missing out--way too cool!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was so disappointed. Upon reading the directions (we don't need no stinkin' directions) I found much to my chagrin that this particular model would not create an arc between the prongs. How disappointing! I do love fire for effect. I learned that if I pushed the button, however, and pressed it against a metal surface that I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs that I was so looking forward to. I did so. Awesome! Sparks, a blue arc of electricity, and a loud pop! Yipeeeeee! I'm easily amused, just for your information, but I have yet to explain to her what that burn spot on the face of her microwave is.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, etc. etc. There I sat in my recliner, my dog looking on intently (trusting little soul), reading the directions (that would be me, not the dog) and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood target. I must admit I thought about zapping the dog for a fraction of a second and thought better of it. He is such a sweet pup, after all. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? Was I wrong to think that? It seemed reasonable to me at the time.
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, Taser in the other. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
All the while I'm looking at this little device (measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference, pretty cute really, and loaded with two itsy bitsy AAA batteries) thinking to myself, "No friggin' way!"
Friggin' way - trust me, but I'm getting ahead of myself. What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. Those of you who know me well have got a pretty good idea of what followed. I'm sitting there alone, the dog looking on with his head cocked to one side as to say, "Don't do it buddy," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny lil' ole thing
couldn't hurt all that bad (sound, rational thinking under the circumstances, wouldn't you agree?). I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the hell of it. (Note: You know, a bad decision is like hindsight-- always 20-20. It is so obvious that it was a bad decision after the fact, even though it seemed so right at the time. Don't ya just hate that?)
I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY*! DAaaaauuuuuuMN!!! I'm pretty sure that Jessie Ventura ran in through the front door, picked me up out of that recliner, and then body slammed me on the carpet over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, soaking wet, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position. The dog was standing over me making sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to himself, "Do it again, do it again!"
(NOTE: If you ever feel compelled to mug yourself with a Taser, one note of caution. There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You're not going to let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. Then, if you're lucky, you won't lodge one of the prongs 1/4" deep into your thigh like yours truly.)
SON-OF-A-* that hurt! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at this point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My glasses were on the TV across the room. How did they get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain,
and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. give or take an ounce or two, I'm pretty sure.
By the way, has anyone seen my testicles? I think they ran away. I'm offering a reward. They're round, kinda hairy, and handsome if I must say so myself. Miss 'em; sure would like to get 'em back.

Never Touchin' the Taser Again!

Like I said funny right I think so. Remember don't try this at home please.

Wow a long time.

Wow it has been a long time since my last post here. I have been quite busy lately with a new job so haven't had as much time. I hope it doesn't take over a month for my next post but here is this days link.
http://icanhascheezburger.com/ It as some know from the name this is also a funny pet book about cats. This sit is full of funny, quite and just down right odd cats. Here is just one picture from the home page:

Cats can be so funny and this site only go to further prove that. Check this pic and way many more at http://icanhascheezburger.com/

Obama Cartoon.

These cartoons are done by Nate Johnson. This one I chose from his site is pretty funny I think because in a way it happened not literally but pretty much. As I promised unlike CNN I treat all candidates the same So here is Obama.
















Yes there is blood in it and sorry that is what happens when you say things like if you shoot youself in the foot you will bleed. Pretty funny and there is more on Nate's page. This cartoon and following text can be found at: http://natenation.com/?p=36. And no I don't hate him just think this is funny because he really said that look it up sure you can find the text, or recording of him saying it.

More Comics

As we all know the election is getting closer and closer. That's right we have to decide who would be best for the beloved USA. Well while I am pretty sure I know who I am going to vote for it still nice to look at all the political comics that seem to get popular around this time. This first cartoon is from when McCain chose his running mate Palin. Its pretty funny and some will even get the Monty Python's Flying Circus reference. Check this one out. (for note reason I don't dislike McCain, and I think palin was a great choice, he wants to bring change and that will do it.)

The original site can be found here: http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2008/9/12&name=Fuzzy

To show I am not bias or what ever tomorrow I will try to post a Obama cartoon. I tired to day but all i could find fast was hateful one and I don't want to post that crap so enjoy this for now.